No baby yesterday…

**Edited to add**

He’s coming home!!!! After 19 days in the NICU, my baby is coming home!!! I get to go get him in t minus 8.5 hours!!! (hurry home hubby!)

No baby for me Spent the day crying and depressed, and now we’re back in the rollercoaster again. (Kind of like back in the saddle….) The docs normally round at about 9 am, so I usually call for an update around 10ish. It’s so odd. My son’s been in the NICU for 2 weeks 5 days, and I’ve seen his doc twice. Seeing as how I’m a stay at home mom to my three year old, and it’s not easy to run after a three year old with a fresh c-section (well 2 weeks 5 days old anyway….), we only go into the NICU at night when there are two parents to keep B. from turning on all the O2 vents So yet again we’re hoping that at about 7pm our time we will be (finally!) bringing our baby boy home!

And back to our normally scheduled programming….

I’m better now After a much needed post partum panic attack I’m almost feeling normal. It probably has to do with the news that A. might come home today!!! He was moved to an open air crib yesterday, had his ‘car-seat challenge’ (he had to sit in his car seat for an hour to make sure he didn’t stop breathing, he passed with flying colors), had his hep. B vaccination and has kept his temp up! He had a pretty horrible feed last night at 8, but he’s allowed one bad feed a day. So as long as he fed well last night, and the doc is willing, he should come home today!!! I should know in an hour or so…..

You should be happy

I am so tired of being told how I should be feeling. “You should be happy your son just has to grow in order to come home….” “You should be happy that he has the best care…” “You should be happy you have the children you do have…” Fuck you. I am happy my son is as healthy as he is, I still want him home. I am happy he has good nurses and docs, I am still his mother and want to care for him. I am thrilled with my sons, but am still entitled to mourn the fact that I will most likely never have children again. I don’t need to be told how to feel from anyone.

News

For those who don’t know, my son A. was born on 9-9-04. For those doing the math that’s 7 weeks early. He’s doing well, weight is almost 4 lbs now, and supposedly just has to get the hang of eating and then he can come home. Will update more as time allows….